Dear Halloween Detracters

I was recently at a store with my friends Kentucky Jim and Cindyloo.  We were excited because it was finally about time that the Halloween displays were coming out, because Halloween has always been a big holiday in my group of friends. Since freshman year of college we've had a big Halloween party every year, and we come from all around to get together for it.  I remember several occasions where we killed time at Halloween superstores simply to look at all the awesome decorations and less awesome costumes.  I also have spent ridiculous amounts of time on costumes in the past, and those costumes were awesome.  I was Walter Sobchick, a Luchador in a fancy satin embossed suit, and Big Daddy from Kick Ass, just to name a few of my award winning costumes*.  *no awards were won.  As Walter, I got drunk and screamed at my friend Spike who was dressed as Donny until I was hoarse.  So, it stands to reason I would really want see what the great Halloween purveyors of America had concocted this year.  Also, Cindyloo seems to have some sort of fetish that involves Laffy Taffy and skulls, and I am not about to get between her and that, so we trolled through the store until we found the displays.

Initially, I was elated.  It seemed that the store had done some good work.  They had a scary haunted house suspended from the ceiling, and things seemed done up very nicely.  Something seemed off the closer I got, however.  It seemed too bright, too cheery.  I at first wrote this off to the florescent lights of the store, but then looked beyond the Halloween display, and saw this:

This photo was taken on September 24.  That is three months to the day before Christmas Eve.  To put that in better terms, three months is a full quarter of the year.  Should we start gearing up for New Years?  That's only a week after Christmas.  Halloween itself was exactly one month and one week away.  Honestly, it was a little early even for the Halloween decorations.  Yet, directly behind those, we get lighted angels, reindeer, and snowmen.  Why not throw in animatronic turkeys and a Diwali display to either side while we are at it?  Maybe they should be upselling Easter egg kits?

Don't get me wrong.  I am totally down with the Christmas spirit.  The problem I have is that people call it the "holiday spirit" like Christmas is the only holiday.  This would be like me stating that I have the jellybean spirit simply because I love lime jellybeans.  It completely disregards cherry, lemon, orange, and grape jellybeans.  They are no less real or delicious than the lime, but I am not acknowledging them in the least.  I am treating them like retched licorice jellybeans that taste like someone punched you in the nards and you need to pass out or vomit, which is what your disregard for Halloween feels like.  Just a big old right hook to the nards. 

Let's all just cool out, sit back, and enjoy the holidays as they come.  No Christmas displays should ever be erected until Black Friday.  If we continue to do this, I will continue to wear my green velour jogging suit while taking rips off a bottle of gin and screaming "Happy Patty's Day!" at all the kids in the park throughout November.