Sunday, June 17, 2012

Dear Jeweler

I am sorry to have interrupted you as you were intently reading the newspaper in your shop.  However, since the newspaper in our town is routinely around three pages long, including the comics, I thought perhaps you could spare a few minutes to help me.  Obviously Tank McNamara was a little too cerebral for you on this day, because after a full minute you still wouldn't acknowledge that I had walked into the store and was in fact standing in front of you.  Normally, I would have walked out then and there, but I needed help. 

So, I took my watch off and set it on the counter right next to your paper, and asked you how much it would cost to take a link out of the band.  You, being the classy, pale, mouth breathing, balding gray-hair-in-ponytail dreamboat that you are, responded by telling me to come back after 6PM the next day.  Seeing as it was 2PM, and the shop hours posted behind you indicated that you close at 7PM, I feel I was justified in asking if perhaps you could do it today.  I think that might be a fair assumption that you had the time to do it, since there were no other customers, you were reading a newspaper, and you couldn't touch yourself while watching Judge Judy until it came on at 4PM. 

You then told me that it is very easy to fix, and I could look up how to do it myself on the company's website, thereby contradicting my assumption that your only understanding on the internet was that it is a wicked sex box.  In fact, you told me it was so easy it could be done in five minutes.  I explained I had followed a tutorial online, but didn't have the correct tools.  You reiterated that you couldn't do it until tomorrow, and it would cost around $20.  When I pointed out that you had just told me that it would only take five minutes, you grunted and went back to your paper.

I bought the tools online for five bucks, with free shipping.  You are lucky I have a job, otherwise I would set up a little stand outside your jewelry store where I would offer to fix people's watch bands for $18.99, same day.  You would lose all of your business, and then how would you ever be able to buy pretty hairbands to hold your ponytail in place?

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