Sunday, May 26, 2013

Dear Men

There are three well known rules of men's bathroom etiquette:
1) Never talk to anyone who is touching their penis, or while you are touching yours.
2) If there are open urinals, do not use one directly next to a urinal that is already in use.
3) Never, under any circumstances, cross the streams.

I believe it is time that an unspoken rule, one that should be common sense, be made into rule number 4: never drop your pants at the urinal.

Do I really need to write this?  Was there some confusion?  Obviously, there has been, because I have walked into three bathrooms recently only to find some dude in tightey whiteys with his pants around his ankles, just peeing away like he was in the pool at the Y.  There is no reason to go into a drawn out monologue on this.  It is plain and simple: they put zippered or buttoned flies on men's pants so that you don't have to drop trou in public.  Are you that bad at peeing that you have too make sure that your pants are at least two feet from your penis while you go?

I have some bad news: the second they hit that floor, your hope of keeping them clean went by the wayside.  Public restrooms are urine soaked hellholes, and now so are your cargo shorts. 

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