Sunday, September 28, 2014

Dear Waitresses

I like terrorizing the waitresses where I work for two reasons:
1) They don't work directly for me
2) They are usually young and easy to mess with.

A new waitress started a few weeks ago.  She was younger than usual, so I thought I would go easy on her, so when I was in the kitchen getting a drink, I announced it was time for everyone's favorite game: The New Girl Guesses How Old Everyone Is!!!!  She was not happy about this in the least bit, but agreed to play.  Carrie, in her mid thirties, was now 40, as was her husband Steve.  Lisa was now a younger 35.  The waitress, who we shall refer to as Slumpathus, then turned to me, and without even hesitating, said "45".  The rest of the kitchen staff felt better about there guesses, and Slumpathus refused to quantify how she came to that decision.

Now, any time I see her, I just give her a glare, and she blurts out "I didn't want to play the game!"  This won't save her when the revolution comes.

A couple of weeks past this, I met up with Kentucky Jim for dinner.  Unfortunately, he brought The Angry Scholar with him.  After a round robin tournament of rock-paper-scissors and Inkum Stinkum, it was decided that we would be having Italian food for dinner.  Once Kentucky Jim got his horribly racist remarks under wraps, we were seated al fresco, and ordered drinks.  Our waitress barely looked out of high school, let alone capable of serving alcohol.  We proceeded to make some jokes which she joined in on, and created a good rapport with her.  Through that, we were able to find out that she was 21, originally from Canada, and that she thought The Angry Scholar's head was too large, yet also hypnotically lopsided.  Inevitably, masochist I am, I asked her to play the game.  Three men, right guess across the board.  No one, even some people that had know us for a period of time, would guess that I was younger than those two, but she gleefully called me the baby of the group. 

She also taunted Kentucky Jim with cheesecake, his one true kryptonite, and made perfect food recommendations for The Perturbed Academic and I.  So, moral of the story is, young American girls have much to learn from young Canadian girls, especially in the ways of waitressing and age guessing. 

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