Dear 17 Year Old Greg

I've written these letters to myself on more than one occasion.  I even wrote the one to my teenaged self before.  This is a little difference though. 

I find that I zone out while driving.  Since I am the best at driving, I don't have to think very much while on the road, and I use that time to ponder the many rich mysteries of life.  Other times, I create hypothetical situations and try to suss out the outcome of the agents I put in play in my mind.  Recently, I started thinking about my first car, a 1994 Explorer that had about as much paint as Ben Stiller has talent, and that was just about as loud and obnoxious.  I remember how proud I was when I took it out to Circuit City to have the old tape deck swapped out with a single disc cd player.
Now, I ride around with a car that has an LCD screen that my Ipod, which holds thousands of songs on it, plays and gives me the song name, artist name, album name, tract number and even the album art.  I got to thinking about how awesome 17 year old Greg would find all of this, from his days of mix tapes and burned cd's covered in doodles from a sharpie.  Then I got to thinking that 17 year old Greg was also a little bit of a tool, and he would probably have plenty to say about the songs that were on my Ipod.  Certainly, many of his favorites are still there, but against his better wishes, I've branched out in my music tastes over the years.  I hit the shuffle button, and started running a dialogue between myself and 17 year old Greg, and what they would have to say about some of the songs that popped up.  I thought I'd do that now, with the first few random songs that come up on shuffle.

River City Rebels- No Easy Way Out (2004)
17 Year Old Greg- Awesome!  You still listen to River City Rebels!  This song is the best one yet!

31 Year Old Greg- Uh....yeah.  I got really excited when this song got released ahead of the album. 

17YOG- Why wouldn't you?!?!?  This is amazing!

31YOG- Yeah, it was great live too.  But the rest of the album was garbage. 

17YOG- How is that possible?

31YOG- It just is.  These guys went on tour to support the album with a band called Velvet Revolver, which was Scott Weiland and Slash.

17YOG- WHAT?!?!?  HOLY CRA---

31YOG- No.  Just no.  They were awful. 

17YOG- But...

31YOG- Just trust me. The whole group looked like someone vomited on an old leather jacket, and they sounded about as good too.

Julia Nunes- First Impressions (2010)

17YOG- What is this?

31YOG- It's a lady that plays really good songs on the ukulele, and she has a great voice.

17YOG- Yeah...I guess.  Does she cover Green Day or something?

31YOG- *sighs*

The Transplants- Crash and Burn-(2005)

17YOG- This is Tim Armstrong!  Oh no, did he leave Rancid?

31YOG- No, this is a side project of his with the drummer from the Aquabats.

17YOG- Baron Von Tito?

31YOG- He doesn't go by that anymore. 

17YOG- Is every group a supergroup now?  It's like Temple of the Dog, but everywhere!

31YOG- Kind of, I guess.  There are a few.  A lot of the old punk guys formed side bands to try something different.

17YOG- This is weird though.

31YOG- So's Tim Armstrong now.  You get used to it.

17YOG- He sounds like he had a stroke.

31YOG- Yes he does.

The Gaslight Anthem- Here's Looking at You, Kid (2008)

17YOG- This sounds like Springsteen.

31YOG- It's not.  It's one of your favorite bands.

17YOG- It. Sounds. Like. Springsteen.

31YOG- Well, you like Springsteen now too.

17YOG- What the hell?  I bet we like the Stones now too.

31YOG- Look, you could use some...

17YOG- NO!  NOT THE STONES!

31YOG- What is so wrong...

17YOG- I don't like what we've become.

Van Halen- Dance the Night Away (1979)
17YOG- This is on here as a joke, right?

31YOG- No, I genuinely like Van Halen.

17YOG- Did you drink too much at some point?  Hurt your brain?  Is that how this happened?

31YOG- Yes to the first, maybe to the second, no to the third.

17YOG- Do you have an opinion on Roth vs. Haggar?

31YOG- Roth was so much...

17YOG- You do!  You took the time, thought about this, and formed an opinion on who was the better singer of a hair band.  LAME!  YOU ARE LAME!  OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU WROUGHT UPON ME?

The Lumineers- Elouise (2013)
17YOG- This is hippie music.  What the hell is wrong with you?

31YOG- It's called Americana music.  It's relaxing. 

17YOG- The Slackers are relaxing.  This will put you to sleep.

31YOG- It's good music.  If you would just stop being stubborn and try it, you'd love it.

17YOG- This is like Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young had a really boring orgy.

31YOG- Why don't you shut up and eat some more pie, tubby.


Gangstagrass - I Go Hard (2013)
17YOG- ......bluegrass...and....hip hop...

31YOG- Guess what?  I don't have to explain myself to you.