Sunday, May 20, 2012

Dear Parents in Trader Joe's

If you can bring your kids to the store, I can get drunk and bring in a flail.  That way I can be just as loud and destructive as they are.  Unfortunately for me, I will be held accountable for my actions while you and your kids learn absolutely no lessons.

In the ten minutes I spent in the store, I had no less than three kids run into me/push a shopping cart into my legs.  I also saw two little boys running around the aisles playing tag while their mother laughed at how cute they were being.  This is not a large store, and it was a Sunday afternoon.  There are too many people for you to let you children act like little speed freaks.  No amounts of laser death stares or growling makes little health food store kids stop acting stupid.  I think the lack of additives has crippled the fear centers of their brains.  I have no excuse for why you are terrible parents.

I will give a very large amount of credit to the staff of the Annapolis, MD Trader Joe's.  With every screaming temper tantrum, every knocked over display case, and every demand for more free samples of juice from the pint sized terrorists, the staff simply smiled and went about their business.  They never gave you idiot parents a withering glance, or stopped smiling while they restacked boxes.

The worst part of this trip came right before I left.  A man, probably in his sixties, was unloading his cart at the checkout.  An unsupervised urchin ran directly into the man's cart as he was lifting out a glass bottle of juice.  The cart hit his hand, and the juice was dropped and smashed on the floor.  The child began bawling, standing in a puddle of juice, in the way of letting the man out from behind where his cart has pinned him to the counter.  Of course, the mother suddenly appears, and seemed ready to blame the man for upsetting her child.  She sat around coddling the child, telling him that everything was fine and it wasn't his fault while the man had to get more juice, and the poor smiling checkout girl picked up glass and mopped the floor.

This was you child's fault.  To tell him it wasn't is wrong is to teach him his actions have no consequences, and he can act however he wants.  It reinforces that you never have to pay attention to what your child is doing, and that you are a great parent because your lies made your kid stop screaming and crying. Tell the kid that every time a kid breaks something that isn't his, a Muppet gets set ablaze.  Let him know that whenever a kid acts up, a kitten is banished to a dark nether realm where it is forced to watch The View nonstop until it collapses.

I wish the checkout girl Tabitha would have charged you for the broken bottle, and I wish she would have put you in your place in front of everyone.  Some people are too nice though.  More likely though, she knew that she wouldn't be as lucky as you, and she wouldn't get away with anything. She was a sweetheart, and doesn't deserve the headache you gave her.

7 comments:

  1. This was great. I'm left only to express my gratitude with a, "Thank you". So, thanks.
    -Amanda C.

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    1. Thank you as well, Amanda. Glad you enjoy the blog.

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  2. I have 3 boys under the age of 10, two of whom are autistic. I NEVER let my children behave this way in public (or at home for that matter). I do not believe in the "cult of the child" where every single thing a kid wants, says, does, etc is right. Life doesn't work that way and I want my kids to understand consequences and be prepared to handle things. If my non-verbal, autistic son can walk quietly by my side in a store there is NO excuse for any other child acting up.

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  3. Thank you! I'm so fed up with our ridiculously child centered culture. I was at TJ's today and the store was rather crowded for a Thursday afternoon. Several children had those damn shopping carts, including a mother with three children who had given one to each child. All three of them were blocking the aisles and their mother was completely oblivious. I complained to the cashier and she rolled her eyes in a knowing way. She said that the store does not put the carts out on Saturdays or Sundays.

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  4. I didn't expect to like this when I saw my friend link to it, but I really did (like it, that is). As a mother to two toddler boys, I have a lot of sympathy to parents who are trying to wrangle tired, over-stimulated children in public. "Trying" being the operative word here. I don't have sympathy for parents who have absolutely no control over their children because they're not trying. (Or worse, as you described, dismissing poor behavior entirely.) My one and three-year-old boys are generally very good in public -- because my husband and I work our butts off teaching them how to behave and how to listen well. Thank goodness, I get a lot of "Your boys are so good!" when we're out. I feel like answering, "It's not an accident. It's a heck of a lot of work!"

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    1. You can tell the difference between kids acting up ad kids who have never been taught better. Thank you for tuning in, and thank your friend for the link!

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