Sunday, August 12, 2012

Dear Girl that works at Panera

I ordered a baker's dozen of bagels: 2 chocolate chip, 5 asiago, 5 cinnamon crunch, and 1 French Toast.  I also then guiltily whispered that I wanted a carrot cake cup cake, then I hung my head with shame and stared at the floor.

What I did not order was a monologue about how if it weren't for how much Panera pays, you would so totally be working, like, somewhere different.  This place is like, really lame, and like, they didn't even give you off last Friday when you were totally going to the beach.

I also did not order the series of questions you asked me, which I answered in monosyllabic pleasantries and non committal sighs.   I will now answer in more detail, since there is no way that you can harm my cup cake as retribution.

1)  Yes, where I work is hiring. 
2) I have no idea if you would like working at my place of business.  I have a very strong hunch that I would strongly dislike you working there, though.
3)  I don't know very much about different types of women's swimwear, and I refuse to comment on whether or not I think the one you described would be "totally hot" on you.  I have no idea how old you are.
4)  The weather is very nice outside today.  Yes, I wish you were out there too, because that means the other girl taking orders would be helping me.  She doesn't smile, but she also barely talks.
5) No, I do not need a receipt.  I do not see a circumstance where I need proof I bought these bagels, and there is not an instance where you would allow me to return them.

Just know that I don't blame you for this.  I blame myself for not simply walking out, and I blame the cupcake for being too delicious for me to leave without it.

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