Sunday, January 27, 2013

Dear Maryland Drivers

Here's a math problem for you: I live about 17 miles from work.  15 of those miles are on a country road with a speed limit of 50 mph.  The other 2 miles are through a small town, with a speed limit of 25mph.  How long should it take me to get to work? If you answered over half an hour every day, because people in Maryland have no concept of 1) the speed limit means you can actually go that fast, and 2) turn lanes are there for a reason, then you win at math.  If you also answered that I will have honked my horn at least three different times and called someone a colorful name for a burlap sack full of a certain body part, you know me too well. 

It is almost certain that if I get caught doing 65 mph on this particular country road, I will get a speeding ticket.  This is supposedly because my going 15 mph over the posted limit causes a situation where I am dangerous to other drivers..  Reckless, if you will.  Why is it, then, that routinely I will end up stuck behind a car doing 35mph?  There will be a line of cars backed up, everyone stuck because it is a one lane road, and there is never an opportunity to legally pass.  Why can they go 15 mph under the speed limit and not be ticketed, and I cannot go 15mph over without fear of ticketing.  I have NEVER seen a car going slow and holding up a line of cars get pulled over, and I bet any of you readers can truthfully say you have never seen that happen either. 

It has been argued to me that these slow drivers are safer.  Is it safe for them to cause a large backup, to the point where someone may be willing to try to illegally pass them just to go a decent speed, even if it is just to get to the legal speed limit, and get where they are going?  Is that slow driver not creating a dangerous situation at that point?  The blame would get put on the person that tries to pass them, but the blame does not lie fully on them. 

Maryland drivers, I have another news flash: when the white lines on the side of the road veer off towards a turnoff for a road, they are called "turning lanes".  That means that you can move your idiot self out of the main roadway and then slow your car down to turn.  Why do you think you can stay in the main road, decelerate, and then turn directly from the road when there is a lane made specifically so someone does not ram every inch of their car up your ass?

Some day, I will finally install rubber bumpers and a cow catcher on my car, and you degenerates, as well as the pedestrians that refuse to use a cross walk, even though there is one every other block, will understand road justice.  If the state makes a law that I have to yield to anyone that is standing at a crosswalk, then fine.  I will stop my car every other block to let you and your mouth-breathing loved ones cross the road as slowly as possible.  But, it you can't be bothered to walk 10 feet to go to the designated spot, all bets are off.  I have places I need to go, and I am apparently the only one who needs to get there on time.


  1. Siiiigh. Unfortunately true. I live in Montgomery County, and so red lights, turn signals, and rights-of-way are all new concepts to the inhabitants.

    1. Thanks for reading! I am fairly certain Montgomery county highschoolers are shown Mad Max as an informative documentary on how to drive. Delaware drivers are simply maced every time they get into the car just to add to the fun.


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