Sunday, October 6, 2013

Dear People Who Call Themselves "Nerds"

I am not a nerd.  I bet you're not one, either.  I would bet my left foot you aren't.  Yeah, sure, diabetes will probably take that foot in a few years anyway, but as of right now it is still a valuable betting commodity. 

Buying big thick glasses doesn't make you a nerd.  It makes you a trendy asshat or a high school aged idiot girl hipster, especially if there isn't a prescription in it.  Liking comic book movies doesn't make you a nerd.  Those are the most popular movies out there today.  You aren't ostracized for liking them, which proves the point already.

Let's do the lame thing and look at the Webster's definition of "nerd".
Nerd noun \ˈnərd\ : :  an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially :  one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits

99% of people who have called themselves a nerd in the last month were just proven wrong.  Liking things that nerds like doesn't count, and wearing things that nerds wear doesn't either.  If I put on a policeman's uniform and call myself a cop, I go to jail for impersonating a police officer.  Get it?

Nerds are people that can sometimes barely even function in society.  They are introverted and so inadept at effectively communicating that most just don't even bother.  These are people that have most likely worn some sort of cape in public during their lifetimes.  Why would you want to pretend that this is you? 

Revenge of the Nerds was actually fairly accurate in their portrayal of nerds, with on exception: Booger.  They threw in one character that actually had some charisma to make it easier for people to root for the nerds.  Booger's problem wasn't an inability to fit in, he simply refused to. That might make him a sociopath, but not a nerd.  Last year one of the cable networks ran a show called "King of the Nerds".  Again, they had him pair up with Robert Carradine, because Robert Carradine and a bunch of people that look like they have never seen the sun isn't going to make for more than a couple of episodes of perverse TV watching. 

It mainly frustrates me that the people latching on to this supposed "rise of nerd culture" are the same types of people that would be administering melvins to and mentally torturing the real nerds.  They are the same girls that would never date a nerd, and would take special care the let a nerd know exactly how disgusting they think they are.

Lets put it this way: I think Laplanders are stupid, and I would never want to be around them.  Suddenly, Laplander culture is really popular, so I'm going to get one of their ridiculous native costumes, herd some stinking reindeer, and mouth off about how "my people" created Santa Claus.

Makes you want to puke, doesn't it?


  1. Castlevania was instrumental in turning me into the person I am today.

    Am I a nerd? (Please oh pleeeeease.)

  2. This should be in the Bible. I can't stand self-proclaimed "nerds/geeks" just because now it's cool to say. A Star Wars shirt or watching The Avengers doesn't make u a nerd. Knowing what language LeeLoo speaks or which Jawa action figure is the most valuable? Perhaps. But yea, if NEED to say "I'm such a nerd" yourself, chances are, you're just annoying. Trust me, if you really are such a nerd/geek (or SOOOO random or crazy, for that matter), it'll be said for you.

  3. So I have this ridiculous student teacher, wait, I mean 'teacher', who called her and her friends nerds because they review each other's papers for their classes in college. As someone who has been called a nerd and made fun of and ostracized for it, I was terribly offended by it. I lost whatever respect I might've had for her. Thank you for this post (and this html, I must now go read more and explore this site).
    -I'd sign in or give you my name, but I'm in school on my school issued laptop so I'll just leave my first initial. A (not like the ridiculous TV show with the girls and the liars or something)


I appreciate your comments. I appreciate them even more if you sign in or let me know who you are. Otherwise I get paranoid trying to figure out who you are, and that ends up with me having to watch The Sandlot to calm myself down.