Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Dear Dr. Pepper

I don't care if you don't want anyone to know what the 23 flavors in your recipe are.  That's fine.  You make a tasty product.  I do however, believe you have gone a little crazy.

Yes, your regular soda is very good.  The diet version tastes remarkably like the original, just as advertized.  Sure, you did alot of crazy flavors in the past, like Vanilla Cherry Dr. Pepper, Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper, and Caramel Rosemary Dr Pepper.  We forgive you those trespasses, but Dr. Pepper 10 has gone too far.

Men do not have a problem drinking diet soda.  I am not gay for drinking a calorie free soda, just like I am not gay for ordering a salad in a restaurant.  No one I have encountered has ever made that claim, no matter how close minded they are.  When I crack open a can of Diet Dr. Pepper, I do not feel the need to pop on some Cher, squeeze into some leather pants, and go to a club to just dance my worries away.  Therefore, I do not understand why you feel that you need to market a soda directly for men. 

You are basically paying for a new can.  Dr. Pepper 10 tastes like Diet Dr. Pepper, which tastes like Dr.  Pepper.  Is this something they covered in your medical school Dr. Pepper?  That a new can will make everything good with the world?  If I drink a Diet Dr. Pepper and immediately think, "Gee, that was refreshing.  Know what would go great with that?  Some wang in my mouth!", then there is more at play than just the supposed stigma of a diet soft drink.

I write this to inform you that I am moving over to Mr. Pibb.  He went to a small liberal arts college, got a Bachelor's degree in Refreshing, then took a couple years off to work a job.  Ultimately, he decided not to go to grad school, but that's ok by him.  He's an easygoing guy.  He doesn't worry about what people think of him based on what he is drinking.


  1. They make like a million cans a day, and some how each costs like a fraction of a penny. They paint like 200 cans a second (you have to use a strobe to even see it). My guess is the marketing guys said "what the hell, lets re-brand this and sell it as something new". Whole plan probably took like 3 hours to execute.

  2. I'm so sorry to tell you, but in my area Mr. Pibb has become Pibb XTRA! with "more flavor." I don't know that plays into the hate, but I feel like you should know.

  3. May I recommend one of the following: ?
    Personally, I prefer the ring to Giant Eagle's "Mr. aahh"

    1. Gotta go with Dr. Best. He wants you to know where he is at, right away with no bull.


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