Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Dear Artists of the World

Why won't any of you illustrate my graphic novel?  It is going to be great, and you are the only ones who are standing in the way of my greatness.  I can do plenty of things, but drawing has never been one of them.  Most people I try to draw have a Forrest Whitaker eye, and are somehow both slightly melted, yet bloated, again somewhat like Forrest Whitaker. 

No, I don't have any experience writing comic books.  Why do you people keep asking me that?  I write the words, you draw the pictures, and we get the money.  I am talking shots and strippers, renting a pony just for the hell of it kind of rich.  Actually, I will just posit this one phrase- Erotic Clown.  I found one in a New Jersey phone book one time, and curiosity has plagued me ever since.  We would have the money to make that happen. 

Sure, when you ask me what it is about, I set up a really great first scene, then kind of peter out after explaining what would amount to about three or four very nice looking splash pages.  I am excited about this, and so should you.  It'll be dark, but inspirational.  Yeah, I know that's how everything is described nowadays, but this is going to be different, even though I can't explain how. 

I will explain one more time- it takes place in a run down hospital in Smyrna, Delaware, and features a character that is obviously me, and a cheerleader with a brain tumor.  That's all I really have right now, but that is all we need.  I shouldn't have to explain why this will be the best thing ever.  I shouldn't have to try to talk you into this.  You haven't fallen into traffic or choked to death on soup yet, which means you are smart enough to know I am a genius and that you should want in on this.  Applications will be accepted


  1. Have I mentioned lately that your genius causes my days to be better?


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