Sunday, August 24, 2014

Dear Cute Girl at the Bar

Poor innocent me was minding my own business, spending time at an outdoor bar with my sister and my friend Cindyloo.  Cindyloo and my sister, being tremendous lushes, left me alone at the table, sipping on my cola, as they went to search for tequila and a funnel.  Point being, I was behaving myself.  Sure, I had been looking at you a little previous to this encounter, but it was mainly to figure out if your hair was cut in a weird, short style, or if it was pinned up weird in the back.  You were still very pretty, I just don't seem to understand what constitutes a valid hairstyle anymore.

So, while I was sitting there, I couldn't help overhearing you since you were sitting ten feet away.  Also, you were drunk talking so loud that Gilbert Gottfried would have found you to be excessive.  Typically I would tune out your offkey caterwauling very quickly but for what you said next.

"I's been so long...I gotta kiss someone.  I'm gonna make out with some guy so's gonna be awesome.  I'm just gonna find a guy and do it."

Clearly this was intriguing to me.  My initial gambit of coughing to garner attention failed so I brought out the big guns.  I stretched my arms out wide, making myself look as large as possible, same as I would with a jungle cat.  Sadly, same as with a jungle cat, this only caused you to look at me oddly and shrink away.  Suddenly little miss chatterbox was all whispers and stares.

Luckily for me, Old Lady Bourbon worked it's magic on you, and when we were leaving, you ran over to me.  Stars were in your eyes, a coy grin on your face, and excitement peppered your every move.

You leaned in close, and very seriously, you asked me, "Have you ever seen Hocus Pocus?"

This would not have stung the ego so bad had it not been the same day that a 19 year old server guessed that I was 45 years old. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

I appreciate your comments. I appreciate them even more if you sign in or let me know who you are. Otherwise I get paranoid trying to figure out who you are, and that ends up with me having to watch The Sandlot to calm myself down.