Sunday, August 10, 2014

Dear Netflix, Again

I don't think this is a pretentious request.  It's not like I'm going to a sports bar, ordering a wine, then glowering at the people cheering at whatever game is on the tv while muttering "Savages" under my breath.  I've never worn a scarf indoors or in any weather above 30 degrees, and I've never once used the word "Sheeple" as a derogatory term.  So, I think I come from a good place when I tell you that your five star rating system is no longer sufficient. 

I'm not saying that your system isn't good.  In fact, I'd say that it probably has the best algorithm around to figure out what people will like based on past ratings.  I know that if your system says I will like a movie 3 1/2 stars out of five or more, I will generally enjoy that movie.  I pray every day that or GoodReads will develop a similar algorithm for books so that I can get such spot on recommendations, and so that I may never have to read another awful Debbie Gibson biography ever again.  I would know which was the best Debbie Gibson biography that didn't just focus on her hatred of Tiffany and her love of Lick 'Em Sticks, because these are things we all know. 

There are misteps along the way, sure.  You said I would like "Hot Rod" four stars, and I couldn't make it through ten minutes of Andy Samburg's mugging and non-acting and stupid ass face in general.  You also thought I would only like Arrow only two and a half stars and I Felicity that Smoak very much.  I mean...well, you catch my drift.

Your five star system is easy.  Hated It, Didn't Like it, Liked It, Really Liked It, Loved it.  Not too hard to screw up, which is why it works.  The problem is, there is one slight addition that you could make that could provide an even more laser focus to your suggestions. That would be a sixth star: "I Liked it For What It Was". 

This is every SyFy original movie ever made.  This is "Johnny Dangerously".  This is "Machete", "The 13th Warrior", "Better Off Dead", and anything Stallone has done since "Rocky 3".  There are movies you probably shouldn't like, but you just can't help yourself.  The idea came to me after I recently watched GI Joe: Rise of Cobra.  You gave it two stars for me, but a combination of Channing Tatum and The Rock's easy rapport, a solid guest spot by Joseph Mazzello, and the ever wonderful Adrienne Palicki led me to really enjoy myself.  Sure, it was a dumb movie that was perfect to watch while on the elliptical and working out, but that's not an excuse.  It was just plain fun, and I let myself see that. 

How many movies are you not letting me know about because they don't fit my love of revenge movies, high school comedies, underdog sports movies, and anything anyone that was in The Rocketeer has ever done?  How many Tim Allen movies will I have to watch before I find one that is appetizing that isn't named Big Trouble?  How many times much I accidentally watch Joe Somebody before you fix this?

1 comment:

I appreciate your comments. I appreciate them even more if you sign in or let me know who you are. Otherwise I get paranoid trying to figure out who you are, and that ends up with me having to watch The Sandlot to calm myself down.