Sunday, December 28, 2014

Dear New Years Resolutionists

People are innately programmed to feel something towards an ending, be it happiness, sadness, nostalgia, or bitterness.  It's why everyone but me cries at the end of My Girl and why everyone loves to celebrate New Years.  It gives us a finite unit to measure our lives, and unfortunately, most of us use this to make a half assed attempt at trying to better ourselves.  In a day, week, or month, that resolution will have been broken, and mostly likely you'll be the same person you were 365 days previously. 

I was talking with my friend Cindyloo recently about how nice people have seemed around the holidays this year.  In long lines at stores and the post office, no one was bickering, or getting mad about wait times.  People are looking each other in the eyes, smiling, and being pleasant to one another.  I even found myself doing this, which is against every fiber in my being in a crowded setting.  The only explanation that makes sense is that for some reason, people have decided to have more compassion and more camaraderie overall around Christmas this year.  It's not everyone, of course.  I still had a customer threaten me to use all of his high powered Senator and political friends to get my hotel shut down if I didn't give him a free upgrade on Christmas Eve, but some dogs don't learn new tricks.  They stick to the old ones, no matter the time, place, or idiocy of the tactic.  As a society, we just don't seem to have it in us to try this for a full year, and only seem to be able to kick it into gear when we are reminded that it is a time of giving, or that time is running out, in some respect.  It seems like we'd forget to eat if we weren't a bunch of gluttons with fast food on every block and dozens of restaurants that will deliver directly to our doors. 

Why waste your time making a half assed oath to better yourself just because it is late December?  Yes, next year could be the best year of your life, but unless you are half the assholes I went to high school with, good luck doesn't just fall in your lap.  Life is going to throw giant piles of feces at you, and you have to work hard to duck and weave.  Changing your life for the better isn't going to happen just because December became January, or because you buy a gym membership.  You've actually got to go to the gym, five days a week, every week, and literally work your ass off.  You want to be a nicer person?  Be nice to people.  Want to quit smoking?  Do it, and stop making excuses.  Want to learn to jazzercise?  Be at my place, Friday at 5. 

The point is, you can do this at any time.  January 1, June 22, or October 16, it doesn't matter.  If you are miserable, do something about it.  And if it gets tough, don't quit.  That's how you got miserable in the first place, because you took the path of east resistance.  That's why stupid people have more kids than everyone else, and that's why hardly anyone ever follows through with their resolutions. 

Me, I'm not changing anything, because I am magnificent.  You're a goddamned mess though, so get started now, and don't wait for Thursday.

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