Monday, October 8, 2012

Dear Paramount Pictures

From 1993- 1996, Nickelodeon aired a show called The Adventures of Pete and Pete.  The whole show is a product of the time it came from.  It was infused with the grunge sensibilities that were burgeoning at the time, which was exactly the type of music I, as an idiot kid, had embraced and used to define me as a person.  Dozens of grunge and alternative artists cameo on the show, never as stunt casting, always out of respect for the quality of the show.  It delighted in its eccentricities without being weird for weird’s sake, and that in itself makes it something foreign in programming geared towards children today.  You either see something treacly and wholesome, or something so silly that it is garbage.  Point in fact, there is a thing called Fred on Nickelodeon.  I have seen commercials.  This is a kid acting like a freak with his voice sped up and this thing has a full season of tv, plus three movies, all of which are on DVD.  

The Adventures of Pete and Pete got DVDs too.  In 2005, seasons one and two were released shortly after I graduated from college.   I gobbled up those seasons, and waiting patiently for season 3 to get released in February, 2006.  Some of my favorite episodes were that season, and it was going to be worth the wait.  February came and passed, and Amazon still wouldn’t let me order.  Suddenly the preorder screen changed to a button to receive an email when the product became available.  Now, almost seven years later, the DVDs still have not been released. According to the show's creator, Will McRobb, everything was set to go in 2006.  Commentaries were recorded, extras obtained, and the DVDs were even pressed.  Now, they are rotting in some warehouse, and I would sincerely like to know why.

If these DVDs were made, what do you have to lose by selling them now?  If they are packaged and ready to go, what do you gain by sitting on them?  Looking at the releases you currently sell doesn't help matters.  You sell all of the seasons of Jersey Shore, but I refuse to admit that is anything other than torture porn.  You also have shows I have never heard from dating back to the 50's, all for sale.  You have a show called "Cannon", starring the eponymous Fat Man from Jake and the Fat Man.  I will just pause there so you can think about that.

Good?  Got that?  You are selling DVDs of the SECOND most popular show starring the Fat Man.  You might as well just sleep with my girlfriend in my bed while eating my favorite stromboli, since that might be the only way to disrespect me more. 

You also sell a show called "Matt Houston".  This show looks awful.  For those like me that have no idea what this show is, here is the description, directly from Paramount:
“Matt Houston (Lee Horsley) is rugged, rich and ready for action - and in Los Angeles, the action never stops, Oil may be Matt's business, but solving murders is his passion. With the help of his sexy lawyer sidekick C.J. Parsons (Pamela Hensley), and his unlimited wealth, he won't quit until each and every case is complete. The first season of Matt Houston features 23 episodes packed with the beautiful people and west-coast locales that make this show an all-time classic."
This is not an all time classic.  This is something I would joke about creating to pass the time at work and annoy people.  No one has watched that show and fondly reminisced about the days the show used to air.  Worse, this is something that is geared towards a generation that does not buy DVDs.  My parents have three and they were all given to them as presents, by me.  One of the DVDs still has not been watched.   This is more profitable than releasing DVDs that you have already pressed?

At this point, you are is the kid on the playground that throws the kickball over the fence so that no one can play with it, just because he doesn’t understand the rules.  Don’t be that kid. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

I appreciate your comments. I appreciate them even more if you sign in or let me know who you are. Otherwise I get paranoid trying to figure out who you are, and that ends up with me having to watch The Sandlot to calm myself down.